>* Note: To "experience" the full effect of this article please read in the voice style of William Shatner, Brent Musburger or Jack Black.

Experience . . . the tradition . . . the paegentry . . . the passion . . . the glory . . . the legacy . . . the pomp and all the circumstances . . . and of course the hype (oooooohhh, the HYPE) that is Bush League Stickball!

In a matter of mere days (even hours depending on when you read this) Bush Leaguers from around the world (or at least the nation) will make the pilgrimage back to the Gila Valley and participate for the first time ever in what is being called "the Bush League eXperience".

The eXperience will consist of three major events: the Inaugural Bush League All-Star Game, the Minor League Championship and the Olympic Stickball Trials. In addition to these three major events the League as has also planned a Rookies Tee Ball Game featuring the kids (and moms if they are up to it) versus the Grandpas/Dads/Uncles with the kids making up all the rules. There will also be a Pre All-Star Game Basketball Shoot Around at the Stake Center so bring your sneakers and your short shorts, and be ready to show off your skills in various competitions such as Around the World, Speed and a Half Court Shooting Contest. Also on the docket is a Blast Off-Style Home Run Derby.

The culmination of the All-Star eXperience will be the suspenseful, emotionally gripping and dramatic, Sandlot Illustrated pre-game introduction of the players and the announcement of which past seasons they garned All-Star Honors.

The Minor Championship will feature seven brand new Minor League teams including the West Virginia Miners, the Tucson Thunder Bolts, the Lordsburg Stick Lords, the Moonlight Grahams, the North Salt Lake Fighting Pumbas, the Texas Chain Saws and the Dominican Tigres. It is anticipated that the Central Sand Tigers will dust off the spikes and return to the sandlot to round out the field of eight. The Minor League Championship is designed to get everyone out of the Minors (75 ABs) or at least close to it, and that is why it is being played now while everyone is still in the Minors (ahh, that makes sense).

The Olympic Stickball Trials will determine which teams earn the right to represent their country and advance to the Olympic Games in Bejing, China later on this Summer (but not really). Unofficially, it is projected that Robin will represent either Peru or Ecuador; Mark, Guatemala; Jason, Laos or Thailand; Clifton, Venezuela; Craig, la Republica Dominicana; Doug, Lebanon; Brandon, the Cajun country of Louisiana and Kimball, the one-time nation of Texas. National pride and love for country and sure to be on display at this unique cultural sporting event. The Bush League is prepared to receive all defectors who request political asylum and wish to stay in this country to play in the league.

For fans wishing to mingle with the rich and famous at this permiere eXperience the Bush League has prematurely announced celebrities who are probably not coming but have been invited (they just haven't RSVPed yet). They include Robert Redford, Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones, Muhammad Ali, the Phoenix Suns Gorilla, Oprah, Sylvester Stallone, Boots from Dora the Explorer, Neil Diamond, Barry Bonds, Bruce Springsteen, Jim Rome, Yao Ming, Rush Limbaugh, 3 living descendents of the real Archibald "Moonlight" Graham, Miley Cyrus and her father, Billy Ray, Carrot Top, Ralph Macchio, Bob Barker, vice-presidential hopeful, Mitt Romney (because his name is Mitt), the ghost of Shoeless Joe Jackson and the president himself, Mr. George W. Bush because he can't be president much longer and he wants to be your next "High Commissioner of Stickball". Can you say "wow"? WOW!

Read this now and believe it later, if you come you will see stuff you have never seen before and a lot of stuff you have, but the Bush League eXperience will forever change your life. You just gotta believe!

And by the way, each Bush Leaguer will receive the latest greatest edition of Sandlot Illustrated, a free, cheaply made, hand-crafted, athletic-cut T-shirt with the Bush League logo emblazoned on the front and pair of socks (your choice of color: white or black and style: mid-calf or bobbie).

And finally, from the Redundant Department of Redundancy, The Bush League eXperience: eXperience the Bush League!