The Mysteriously Mediocre Jacks
Posted by Clifton Labrum – 8 Comments
There has been considerable speculation into how the Utah Jacks made it to the championship. Some claimed that they played too few games this season. Others suggested additional playoff games were necessary to solidify their championship candidacy. Whatever the dispute, the decision has been made and the Jacks will be there, backache and all. Even their historical t-ball photos depict a team of questionable ability.
But what is even more perplexing is the blatant mediocrity of the Jacks's playing this year. The stats board clearly shows underwhelming numbers from their batting average, to home runs, to RBIs. The Jacks have never led in any stat category at any time during the year (at least according to our records) and their inability to see a pop fly or stop a spinning grounder is further testament to their clumsy and inconsistent play.
Though other franchises may feel a little cheated, this Utah ball club has their flight plans booked and is ready to play in full-fledged, championship mediocrity. Should the Jacks win, SLI writers will be raving about "the underdog that could" for years to come.
Good thing you never looked directly into the sun during those little league games. The combination of the sun with those two magnifying glasses strapped to your head would have burned your eyes right off. From a psychologist point of view that is probably why you don't see pop flies to this day, bad repressed memories from your childhood. You really need to get in touch with those feelings before the series starts.
It's the Yard Dogs versus the Under Dogs.
Hey, that's a great picture of you 'back in the day'. And just so you know, we all looked something like that when we played T-Ball. Looking like a spastic, skinny, uncoordinated dwebe was our M.O. We didn't know we were weird. I had chicken legs and enornous teeth, but I liked it!
Mark's vicious attack on your specs is what psychologists would call a 'classic case of counter transference.' You see Mark had his own set of goofy googles and so to hide his shame he makes fun of anyone else with glasses. It's really sad.
Mark don't make us break out the pics on you.
Bring on your so called "pics" I'm not scared!
I do recall someone getting very upset when peoples teams, character and personality traits were attacked. Therefore, I am requesting the same kindness and goodwill that you all wanted shown toward the Keystones when they were attacked on the website. I know that you all are doing this in good fun, but things can get out of hand very quickly. However, since this is only a request, I will leave it at that. If my request is not taken to heart then it is open season on everyone including the Keystones. Thanks for your time.
Sincerely,
"Crash"
Does anyone know who this "Crash" person is? I think that I do. I believe that this could be a good trivia question for the league. If you think that you know the answer, send me an e-mail. Good Luck everyone. "Maybe I will see you all in 2008, Where the Stickball is always Great" Hey that rhymes, "I am a poet and I didn't even know it." Wow, that rhymes too, I guess that I will quit while I am ahead. Maybe next time I will write an article with League Trivia Questions. Bye for now.
Doug
I think "Crash" is really Clifton and those little Jacks upset about some comments made in fun. Crash secretly stands for:
Clifton, Responds, And, Sounds, Hilarious. Booya!
Is that Crash Davis?